I have been telling myself for awhile that I would start a blog to help with recovery and the millions of thoughts that I constantly have floating around in my head. But I guess I put it off for so long because one: that would make me admit to myself that I am actually sick. And two: I could no longer use the excuse “I don’t have time”. But a series of events in my life have pushed me into a corner and I always liked to write so I’m hoping it will be therapeutic. So hey, here it goes. No time like the present.. cliche much?
I’m Jen. Last name saved for personal reasons.. but I’m sure there’s an easy way to find it out. I have Lyme Disease. I realize that this isn’t as shocking as saying I have cancer, especially since information about the disease is relatively unknown. To be honest, I barely know any of it. But that’s because of my refusal to admit that I’m actually sick and ‘not normal’, as I have done for so long with this disease. My mother is a wealth of knowledge as she has immersed herself in the subject ever since both of her kids got diagnosed. However, there are definitely times that I wish I did have cancer instead. But what sane person would really wish for something like that right? I read somewhere that if everyone through their problems in a pile, you would go to pick yours back out after seeing everyone else’s. Sometimes I wonder how accurate that truly is.
Anyway, I digress as I typically do. Lyme Disease is something that I have, which is not contagious (as many people surprisingly ask me). However, it is not something that I am trying to let consume me. I went undiagnosed for 8 years and as a result I have a rather long fight ahead of me. For about two years I jumped from treatment to treament, and while I am still trying to nail down the exact protocol, I am finally trying to be a little bit ahead of the disease rather than lagging behind. Unfortunately I have a lot of catching up to do.
Besides the whole disease part of me.. I am also an advertising student about to graduate. Exciting but also a little terrifying. Especially when everyone keeps telling you not to grow up! I have big dreams in my head, most fueled by movies and TV shows, and hope to really make a name for myself. I want to be memorable and wonderful. I know I’ll be leaving this world inevitably, but when I do I want to at least leave something great behind. In a good way – not the everyone knows you for all the wrong reasons way. I’m still trying to figure out exactly who I am and what I want out of life. So maybe this will chronicle my journey and I’ll eventually nail some parts of it. Here’s hoping.
“It will never rain roses: when we want to have more roses, we must plant more roses.” — George Eliot