Managing.

Probably the most difficult thing about dealing with Lyme Disease, is learning how to manage everything else in your life. What do you do when everyone else is going on with their lives, but it feels like you’re forced to stay still? How do you stop the negativity from consuming you?

Luckily for me, I have been quite stubborn all my life so that helps in some ways. Unluckily for me, this has also made my progress much slower than it should have been. I refused to believe I had Lyme Disease (my levels were off the charts), I refused to take medicine (that would admit I was sick), I didn’t take my medicine properly (waste of time and money) and I threw temper tantrums when I had doctor visits in NY (what am I 5?!). Luckily, I have one person in my life who has ALWAYS cared about me and my health more than she cares about herself: my mother. I don’t tell her nearly enough how much I appreciate, love and am truly grateful for that woman because she honestly saved my life. I definitely not near 100% healthy, but without her I am certain I would be much worse off. [Thank you mom].

Yet there are some things moms just can’t do for you or can’t understand. How do you explain to all your friends and teachers that you just can’t move from your bed, not because you’re lazy but because simple activities make you too exhausted to even want to move. Weekend comes up.. party time! Do you tell people you aren’t drinking because of Lyme Disease or do you make up an excuse? How do you explain to your roommates the necessity of sleep or your little tics without coming off as a weirdo? Or even try explaining the process of your medicine?

Add a boyfriend into the picture. How do you manage your emotions when you don’t even understand why you’re having them yourself? How do you not get jealous that he isn’t sick, he can go out whenever, he gets to enjoy life when you feel like you can’t?

At times, you can feel so alone. No one understands the problems, unless they’re going through them. Nothing looks like it’s going to get better and you feel doomed to this life you don’t want or didn’t choose. But it is so so important that when all the negativity starts rising up, you have to stay positive.

That’s about where I am. It’s not easy, but what in life worth having really is? Positivity is the shining light at the end of a very dark tunnel. Instead of feeding into the ‘dark side’ of me, I immediately try and think of anything positive. I try and constantly surround myself with positive people and do things that make me happy. I love to laugh, dance and sing (what girl doesn’t). I am also obsessed with music lyrics and quotes. I hang them all over and when I am feeling down, I force myself to read them and remember there’s people who have it worse and that there’s more to life. I will get through this.

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